


in which i self project

by ggeggege



Category: The commentary crew, the reddit crew
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 06:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17934311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ggeggege/pseuds/ggeggege
Summary: Kappa sighed as he scrolled through his music for the 50th time, trying to deceive others that he was most certainly, definitely busy doing something other than being lonely and sulking about it. He looked up to see the sights of a few friend groups already forming, chatting away and talking about whatever was interesting to them at the time. He sighed again. He could really use some company right about now.Or, i self project and vent onto Kappa :]





	in which i self project

**Author's Note:**

> i hurt kappa too much.

Laughs and chatter filled the hallway he waited in. Each morning was the same routine. Wake up at exactly 6 in the morning, shower and get dressed by 6:30, get everyone's stuff ready by 7:00, get his own stuff ready by 7:10, check for his bus pass, yadda yadda, all until it reached 8am on the dot.  
Every school day he did that same routine, not wanting to fall behind by even a second for the fear of embarrassment and failure that would consume him and plague his thoughts for days, weeks, months, to years.  
God, that was depressing.

Kappa sighed as he scrolled through his music for the 50th time, trying to deceive others that he was most certainly, definitely busy doing something other than being lonely and sulking about it. He looked up to see the sights of a few friend groups already forming, chatting away and talking about whatever was interesting to them at the time. He sighed again. He could really use some company right about now.

After 10 more minutes of endless scrolling through his music library and cursing his parents for never buying him credit, his first friend, Aro, finally came. He looked up in time to see as she got out of the car and started to make her way to the schools entrance. He checked the time on his phone.   
8:45AM.  
He inwardly groaned. It looks like he was going to be lonely for the remainder of the day.  
Don't get him wrong, he loved her (as a friend, you headass) but she was a social butterfly, while he was... i don't know, a slug? She had a few friend groups to push off of and interact. And that's only the beginning!   
Each of his friends, 3 of them mind you, all had certain times hey arrived. Eli arrived at around 8:20, so just a few minutes after him, Tahlia arrived around 8:35, and Aro always arrived a few minutes before the bell. Also, Kappa was alone in his class half the time. Tahlia was the only person in his friend group who was in his classes, but she had a tendency to be away half the time.   
Oh, talking about Tahlia, she moved away! To the city! Wow, he was alone for SURE!  
Kappa pushed down the sudden wave of anxiety and dread, along with the tears that stung his eyes, and looked at his phone, noticing how it was already 8:50.  
Aro made her way up to Kappa, panting from running up the stairs.  
"How long?" She panted out, straightening her posture before-  
*RING*  
Kappa looked up at her and smirked before fixing his bags straps and walking off as Aro was suddenly engulfed by her other friends, not letting his stupid attempt of a happy mask fall off.

And that was just day 1 of the new year.

Kappa had forgotten that during one of the last weeks of school before Christmas, hat he had to pick out two subjects for the next year. He was an idiot the year before and chose the two things he was interested in and didn't leave them for the next year so here he was, stuck in cooking with a stranger he hadn't even seen before. who was just as uncomfortable as him.  
He really hoped that this class would go quickly.

After an hour of awkward stumbles and standing back as e watched his partner do all the work, the bell went, signalling that it was time for the next class. He hang up his apron and left the cooking block, making his way to English. God, he hoped that his teacher wouldn't ruin it for him.

After two weeks of the same routine and becoming quieter and closed off, he started to notice how his only last two friends, Eli and Aro, were beginning to drift away from him. He wont lie, it hurt.  
He noticed it for the first time on the first Friday of the new school year, internally cheering that it was the last day of the week and he could go home and play video games and watch YouTube until 3 in the morning.  
He was waiting at the same place as they always meet up, at the top of the stairs, just around the corner from the library and right in front of the maths block.  
That's when he saw Aro walk right past the stairs, not even glancing up them to see if Kappa was there, and straight up to her other friend group. Huh. Maybe he was just overreacting. But the same thing happened to Eli.  
I had been a week since Aro had drifted off, he and her hardly spoke anymore, and he was left alone asides from Eli. But that wouldn't last now, would it?  
On Monday, after sulking in his room for being the lonely, awkward failure he is, he went to school. Like always. Following the routine.   
He marched up those stairs, whipping out his phone, and scrolled through his music like no tomorrow.  
He couldn't handle all the stares, nor the laughter. They were definitely directed at him.  
As time ticked on until the bell rang, Kappas stomach flipped every few minutes. He watched as Aro totally forgot he existed, not even giving a glance at him as she trudged up the stairs with her new posse. He watched as Eli never payed attention to him anymore. How he never waited for Kappa at the library and instead made new friends to hang out with.

Don't get him wrong, he was happy for them, finally branching out and making more connections. But he kinda, sorta maybe, just a tiny little bit, wished that he wasn't cut off. He maybe wished that he wouldn't have to stand awkwardly alone at year meetings, forced to sit with the ignorant students which made rude and hurtful comments a him while he tried his best not to cry from the desperate longing of just a familiar presence near him. He also maybe wished that he wasn't another loner stereotype that the school would look and say 'their lonely, be their friend, they're nice' because he didn't want their pity. He also maybe wished that he wasn't alone and letting anxiety consume him into staying home, which spiraled into depression and a sense of worthlessness.

He wished that he didn't need to know that he was going to be alone for his senior years while everyone celebrated with their massive friend groups.

He wished he disappear.

He wished, but that wont make it come true.

So he'll have to get used to being alone, to being the social reject, the burden in his family, the pitied student which was one praised so high for their work, that now couldn't stop the pressure of the school from getting to him and handing in the assignment due late a couple weeks alone with an N award.

He'll have to get used to being a nobody, and no matter how hard he wished, not a single one would ever come true.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for reading!  
> This was originally posted on Wattpad in my Commentary Crew oneshots. My username there is TumblrKickedMe. I also have a tumblr (cough hahahah hsfhavkjha) and is @Ggeggege ! Go follow or check me out there!  
> * grammar fixed here and there so it might not be an exact replica of what i originally posted on wattpad *


End file.
